Have you ever missed someone so much that no matter what you do, you still end up thinking of that person? Hay,... Wish I could do something but that something may sound so hard to do. He doesn't know this, and I don't want him to know...It may only make him sad. That's why Im writing all these feelings down just to consume time. Nothing I can do. I came to realize how important this person is to my life, just a day passed by without him, I feel lost and lonely. How ironic when we're together I always find ways for him to notice me, to hug me, to kiss me, just to show his affection. Sounds good? Nah. I kept on asking for his affection and assurance to the point of too much insecurity and dependency. Am I asking for too much? Damn...I just love this person so much...too much that I can't see myself without him by my side. If he'll come to know this, Im not sure if he'll be touched by my words of love or maybe he'll think I'm grabbing him by his neck.Indeed, a lot of times. I don't want him to feel that way. I don't want him to hate me because of the things I'm doing, words I'm saying, thoughts I'm thinking that might have hurt him so much. I'm so afraid. Should I be honest enough to tell him how I feel? I think so...but still I'm afraid of him being hurt by me. Better to be silent and grieve than to be open and lose him in the end. This is the first time I'll be open about my real feelings...fears I'm so afraid to face...I'm writing these down that maybe someday , somehow he'll read this and know why I'm acting so childish and immature as what he always claims me to be. By then, he'll understand me better and love me more. No need for insecurities. I'll face no fear anymore, because I'll know he'll stay with me till my last breathe...
spoke at : Friday, April 15, 2005
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Love me or hate me...
This is me, you can't change me